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Posts Tagged ‘Hurricane Harvey’

The enormous destructive power of hurricanes Harvey and Irma should make everyone realize the importance of having a fully stocked emergency preparedness kit ready at all times.

As a public service, InSanity is publishing here a list of essential tools and provisions that can protect one in the event of an impending disaster, e.g., whenever the current occupant of the Oval Office opens his mouth to speak.

 

1. Barf bag

Important to keep within easy arm’s reach for use at a moment’s notice. Be particularly alert for words and phrases alluding to love, God, the greatest, best, rotten or worst deal, inheriting a mess, law and order, draining the swamp, who knew, and foreign country that will pay for a wall on our southern border.

 

2. Duct tape

Recommended for taping over mouth so neighbors won’t be frightened by high-decibel, uncontrolled screaming.

 

3. Ice pack

Apply to chest as soon as temperature rises and blood begins to boil.

 

4. Pillow

Hang on wall to prevent injury when banging your head against it.

 

5. Rock or brick

Throw at TV, radio, or computer when sound becomes unbearable.

 

6. Ear plugs

Best alternative when only other choice is #5.

 

7. Blindfold

For covering eyes to prevent pain and lasting injury from looking directly at subject.

 

8. Current passport

Because you never know when leaving America on the next plane out is the best course of action.

 

9. Favorite drug or drink

Consume liberally once danger has passed and wait for rescue.

 

ADDITIONAL NOTES:

Keep kit in a safe but readily accessible location known to all household members.

Refrain from eating or drinking anything while listening. Failure to do so may result in fatal choking, or the expulsion of solids and liquids through the nose with great force.

Shower as soon as possible afterwards to prevent possible contamination by toxic pollutants.

 

UPDATE, 12/25/17:

Also have kit handy whenever Vice-Sycophant Pence is speaking.

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