Posts Tagged ‘Dick Cheney’

Sometimes when I reflect on George W. Bush’s presidency, I wish he had remained a drunk: he would have done a lot less damage down in Midland, Texas as an alcoholic than he did as a White House teetotaler. Whenever he or Cheney or Rice claimed that the world was better off without Saddam Hussein in power I couldn’t help thinking how much better the world would be if George W. Bush had stayed down South.

Two disastrous wars, an economy on life support, the Constitution shredded, the executive branch corrupted, and our international standing badly tarnished doesn’t leave one with much of a record to stand on. Indeed, all Bush could rely on in his exit interviews were spurious claims about making “tough” decisions (however dumb, ineffective, unrealistic, hypocritical, self-serving, or ideologically and politically based), keeping this country safe after 9/11 (as if his term of office didn’t begin until the following day and everyone has reason to feel secure now), and certainty that history will absolve him.

It must be next to impossible for anyone, let alone such a small-minded, petulant, spoiled brat, to acknowledge and take responsibility for the mammoth mess he’s left us — a hole so deep and filled with suffering that even Daddy and Daddy’s friends can’t bale him out this time. This was, after all, an administration who explained every failing with the excuse: “Who could have predicted (choose one): (1) airplanes would be used as weapons; (2) chaos and civil war would erupt in Iraq after we invaded; (3) Katrina’s storm surge would flood New Orleans; (4) questionable Wall Street practices would lead to an economic collapse.”

Many of us, of course, did know but who, eight years ago, could have predicted it would ever turn out this bad? That no one had any inkling is a measure of the epic ineptitude of #43.

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CNN has just reported that a fire has broken out at the National Archives and destroyed its original copies of the Declaration of Independence, United States Constitution, and Bill of Rights. All that is left of the historic documents is a handful of ashes.

A sobbing, grief-stricken National Archives spokesman who wished to remain anonymous says that the loss is unfathomable and leaves the United States eternally stripped of its collective identity. While firefighters worked feverishly to douse the remaining flames, employees were observed outside the building wandering around in a state of shock, some lost in disbelief, others on their hands and knees weeping uncontrollably.

Although authorities have no idea at this point whether the fire was due to an accident, negligence, or terrorism, the Department of Homeland Security has already raised the national threat status to its highest level, “Red/Severe.” President Bush left Washington earlier today for an undisclosed location to oversee plans for the imminent invasion of Iran and North Korea. “We think it’s pretty obvious that this was a terrorist act by those two governments,” a senior official said. “They are the only axis-of-evil nations who hate our freedoms whom we have yet to destroy. America can’t wait for the next attack to start with a mushroom cloud over Crawford, Texas or the Eastern Shore of Maryland.”

Asked how the United States could possibly fight two formidable opponents concurrently with major wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, this official explained that the following categories of able-bodied citizens would soon be drafted: Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts, food stamp recipients, the unemployed, filers for bankruptcy protection, unmarried mothers, and registered Democrats.

UPDATE: An FBI investigation into the fire has been brought to an immediate halt by the White House. Press Secretary Tony Snow asserted at an emergency press briefing that FBI agents do not have the proper security clearance to look into this matter. His declaration aroused immediate suspicions that the Administration has something to hide.

2nd UPDATE: People magazine has uncovered evidence that the recent destruction of historical documents at the National Archives was an act of arson perpetrated by Karl Rove on orders from Vice President Cheney. The revelation sent millions of citizens into the streets and flooded the Congressional switchboard with demands for the president and vice president’s immediate removal from office and arrest. Concerned about the possible effects of a Republican backlash, and not wanting to appear soft on international terrorism or divide the country at a time of crisis, Democratic Congressional leaders are continuing to support the invasion of Iran and North Korea. In an emotional gathering on the steps of the Capitol just a few moments ago, they sang the national anthem and announced changes to the Patriot Act that would repeal the First Amendment and prohibit gay marriage.

Cross-posted at: Daily Kos

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